It's been a pretty crazy year for Pop Princess Kesha. After a stint in rehab, that she cheeked herself into, she has stayed pretty much under the radar until recently.
In a new personal essay that Idolator obtained from this months issue of Elle UK, the singer is finally breaking the silence surrounding all of the rumors and is addressing the details of her rehab treatment, and the pressure she faces being a female pop star in the industry today.
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She opens up the article by addressing the speculation that she landed in rehab because of her partying ways.
"I've written songs about partying, but my dirty little secret is that I'm actually incredibly responsible," the singer states according to Idolator. "I take my music and career very seriously, and certainly didn't land in this situation from partying."
The real reason behind her stay in a treatment facility was her battle with an eating disorder, which the singer says that she has faced for many years.
"I've always tried to be a crusader for loving yourself, but I'd been finding it harder and harder to do personally," the "Timber" songstress explains. "I felt like part of my job was to be as skinny as possible, and to make that happen, I had been abusing my body. I just wasn't giving it the energy it needed to keep me healthy and strong."
After breaking onto the music scene singing about partying, sex, and drinking, Kesha says that she was shunned, that because she was singing about those topics she was treated like an outcast, which only lessened her self-worth even more.
"I was wild, crazy and free. I talked about sex, about drinking. When men do that, it's rock and roll, but when I did it, people assumed I was a train wreck. I played confident but still felt like an outcast," she reveals. "The music industry has set unrealistic expectations for what a body is supposed to look like, and I started becoming overly critical of my own body because of that."
She goes on to say that she tried to find peace through her music but at a certain point she had to come to the realization that she couldn't keep telling people to love themselves if she wasn't feeling love for her own self.
"I stood up for myself the only way I knew how: through my music, writing songs like 'We R Who We R', 'Warrior' and 'Love Into The Light.' At some point, though, those words didn't ring true to me any more. I felt like a liar, telling people to love themselves as they are, while I was being hateful to myself and really hurting my body."
This revelation is what ultimately lead her to seek help during a two months stay in a Illinois treatment center. "I was there for two months in total, and during that time I began to feel a shift in my mentality and really started to understand my own self-worth...I could focus on my music and my happiness and not what I looked like," the "Warrior" singer explains.
While her treatment definitely helped her, she still say that she is working through her issues and that everyday is a process. "I'm not fully fixed - I am a person in progress, but I want to be part of the solution, not part of the problem," she says, before adding, "Even I need to be reminded that we are who we are. And when I say that, I fucking mean it, now more than ever."
Be sure to look out for Kesha's full exclusive essay in this months issue of Elle UK.